"Hay que morir para vivir." -Experiences at a funeral in rural Mexico

I came back on the bus to El Encino Sunday, and my host mom told me there had been a death. It turns out, the dad of the girl that I walk to the secondary school with every Tuesday and Thursday passed away suddenly that morning. My host mom (who we will call Sandra) said she was going to the velorio, and asked if I wanted to come, and I said yes. It was dark. I saw some cars parked in the dirt clearing that is often used as a baseball field. I assumed people from Aldama and Irapuato had traveled to pay their respects. I could see the glow of lights and hear the chatter of villagers as we approached. A velorio is the equivalent of a wake in the ranchos. Sandra told me that in the cities, many people us funeral homes and hire morticians, but there are no such things in the ranchos. Thus, when someone dies, the velorio is held in the house that day (or the next if the death occurs very late), and the funeral mass and burial are the day following. It has to be fast. The body isn't being preserved in any way.

We got to the house and walked down some steps next to a room that was lit. At the bottom of the steps was a crowd of people sitting under plastic tarps that were being used as a canopy to shield guests from the rain. Most people were sitting talking quietly. I could see several of the children of the family sitting farther away from everyone. The man had 13 children, ranging from 6 years to a son in his mid-20s. There were lots of familiar faces. Kids from the primary school came with their older siblings or parent. Inside the room that was lit, people periodically would go in to visit with the deceased's wife and others inside. I didn't go in, but as I left that night I saw from the window a closed silver casket covered in flowers. Later, the village minister came to lead the rosary. The minister in El Encino is the youngest one in the Irapuato Diocese. Only 20, and he's held this position for 2 years already. He seems to be very well respected, which I suppose you would have to be for the town to nominate you. He read some rezos from the catechism. I recognized some of the prayers to Mary from once when I was younger and went to mass with my grandmother and she led the rosary. The minister would lead one prayer, then everyone else would say another one together. Then they would switch who said what prayer. In between rezos, a woman inside the room would sing a short cántico and others would join in towards the end. This all went on for about 20 minutes. Sandra told me that the family and others who wish to will say the rosary every night for nine days for the deceased.

After the rosary, Sandra and I went back and drank atole. That's when we heard the men singing dirges. Evidently people from Comederito, La Estancia, Comedero, and Pañuelas had arrived. We listened for a while, then we decided to head back over. When we got there, Sandra told me to listen to the words the men were singing. They were verses from the Old Testament about sorrow and pain. I looked around. The women who had arrived were brewing coffee and passing it out in styrofoam cups along with roscas of bread. It's tradition for those who travel to the funeral to the velorio to bring food and drink. There isn't much time for the family to take care of such issues, especially when they live far from the city. After the men stopped singing, we headed back home and went to bed.

Then next morning, after teaching English in the Primary school, I walked over to the chapel for the funeral mass. It was packed. People who couldn't fit in the chapel stood on the pavement in front of the door or sat on rocks in the shade. Lots of school kids came during their lunch break, still in their uniforms, and didn't go back to class. The dress was a bit more casual than would be expected in the states. Some women wore dresses and some people wore slacks and dressy shirts, but a lot of people were wearing jeans. Very few wore t-shirts, though. The padre spoke about how life is only temporary, but those of us who are in the Church (I'm assuming Catholics) have hope of a new life. I found this interesting, because all the people I've talked to in the ranchos about religion (and they're all Catholic) have told me that, yes, they believe in their religion, but they believe that good people who are of other faiths or of no faith will go to Heaven, as well. It made me wonder if Catholic doctrine states that only Catholics go to Heaven. Maybe they believe others do as well, but they don't feel free to judge who else will in addition to themselves. I don't know, I haven't studied much about Catholicism, but there seemed to be some kind of popular belief, at least in these ranchos, that good faith and good works overrule different interpretations.

Between prayers and scriptures, we sang many hymns. I remember singing, "Hay que morir para vivir." It means, more or less, "one must die in order to live." I really liked this phrase. It was simple and comforting. It reinforced what the padre said about how death comes to us all. It is a necessary part of life. It is the portal between mortality and glory. Ok, that last one was kind of my own interpretation, but more or less, that is what he talked about. The only time everyone kneeled was when he was blessing the eucharist. I thought it was really interesting how even during a funeral mass, they make it a priority to partake of the Lord's Supper. Even thought I don't think the literal body of Christ is there, personally, I think it shows that following Jesus is a priority to them. Whether it is a normal mass, a funeral mass, a wedding mass, or a graduation mass, they will always partake of this sacrament that reminds them of Christ's sacrifice.

The minister read some scripture, as well. I wasn't really sure why he chose the story about Ahab killing Naboth for his vineyard, but he did. I guess it talks about death. I can't remember the story well enough to know if it talks about grieving for Naboth's death or how his righteousness was rewarded in the next life, but maybe it did.

After the mass, everyone piled on to a bus. There was hardly any standing room left. Several people with trucks drove truckfuls of people to the cemetery, too. The panteón was in Aldama. It took about half an hour to get there. Once we got there, we followed those carrying the casket to a spot between the walls where people were slid into their resting places. A woman led another rezo, and the minister helped, too. This went on for about 20 minutes. "Santo, santo, santo, es el Señor, Dios de los Ejércitos," was repeated more times than I can count. It means, "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord, God of Hosts."

It seems to me that more time was spent worshipping during this funeral than the ones I've been to in the States. I find that significant. I wonder if maybe the mindset is that pleasing God with worship will encourage Him to send comfort and blessings. Or maybe it is comforting to praise God, believing that the deceased one is in His presence now. Maybe it is just as comforting to praise God, since He is the one that gave life to those who have died in the first place. Very likely, I have no idea. If you asked me why we do many traditional things in the United States, my response would simply be, "because it's tradition." I imagine I would get the same response here. BUT, once again, I could be wrong.

After the rezo, everyone was silent for a moment, and then, the lifted up the casket onto the scaffolding. The scaffolding rose up to a vacant square hole. The casket was slid inside, and 2 men began laying down mortar and cement blocks. As the first block was placed, I heard a girl cry out. It was the first sobbing I had heard either in the velorio or today. It was the girl I walk to school with in the morning. With each block, I could hear more people sobbing. I felt that it was my time to slide away outside the panteón, while those who really knew the man grieved. I sat with a little girl I teach at school and often play with, and we shared a soft drink until the bus came to take us back to El Encino. It was crowded again. I stood and talked to 2 girls my age who said they were his nieces. He was the tortilla winner for the family. Most of his kids were still in school, or had jobs that earned meager wages. They imagine that some of the sons will have to travel to the States next year. Be kind. You never know people's motivations for working in the States. Perhaps it will be a 17-year-old who doesn't know anyone, speak any English, and is only there because his father died and he needs to earn money for his mother and 12 siblings. I guarantee you, most people do not want to make that kind of journey.